Change

Today our daughter “graduated” from preschool.

She also had her last dance class as a pre-schooler.

I was watching her the other day sat in front of the tv watching Cbeebies at about 2pm. I kept thinking that in just a few short months she’ll be sat in a classroom and daytime lounging about will be a thing of the past.

She’s our first and I’m finding it so hard. This change…it’s heartbreaking.

However, she is so excited! She’s already made new friends, she’s booked into a dance class for 4 year olds, she screams “there’s my school!” every time we go past and even I’ve made new ‘mum’ friends!

Life seems to be settling down for us, we’re getting into a routine. Things are moving at church, school…it’s not really moving at work for my husband, but that’s another story, which I probably write about later.

Last year, the thought of moving on was all I hung on to. I couldn’t wait to leave this city, move house, make new friends and get stuck in to the life of a wife of an ordinand.

Right now, the thought of that change scares me!

My daughter is settling, my son is settling, our church life is settled, our home is starting to feel more like home …I walk down the street and people say hello to me because they recognise me, I know the staff at the local co-op!! The longer we stay here the more roots we are making and the harder it will be to move.

Maybe this strange change in my feelings about moving, is God’s way of helping me to realise just how big this becoming a clergy family is. It’s a wrench and it won’t be easy. It’s our whole lives – being given to God for his purposes and that’s not an easy thing….but it’s a good thing isn’t it? I don’t think we are called to have a settled life, or to be comfortable and just watch the world go by.

Change is hard but good. In this situation anyway.

Faith.

I was scared to write this blog… what if he doesn’t get through again? I‘d be so embarrassed, writing all this stuff about being called and being sure that this was what we were supposed to be doing.

It’s putting yourself out there when you’re unsure. That’s scary!

I often wonder if i am going to delete this if he doesn’t get through? No. I have faith that this blog will be useful for someone in a similar situation. Whether we get there or not.

I hope it helps someone. 

 

Wife. Whatever happens. 

I know so many mums and wives who blog and, well I thought I’d give it a shot.

I’m in a unique situation and if anyone else is in my situation, you’ll know just how unique it is.

First off, I’m a Christian and like most Christians I like to think that I’m giving my life to God. I live for Him. I work for Him. Everything I do I do for him.

Then my husband told me he felt called to be a parish priest in the church of England.  I suddenly realised that ‘thinking’ I give my life to God isn’t really giving it up. Waiting for people, strangers, to make decisions about our life. Whether my husband should move on to the next step in the vocations process in the CofE – Whether he has what it takes- Whether he has enough experience- Whether he’s old enough etc etc etc. So many decisions to be made…but not by us. THAT was, for me, giving my life to God. 

Having no control, having no plans for the immediate future and having no idea what will happen next and when it would happen. 

GOD is in control of ours lives. 

This was hard for me because I’m a decision maker, I’m a planner and I like to be one step ahead. But it’s OK right? Because my husband will be ordained soon and all this stress will be worth it…wrong.

It wasn’t that simple…ha!

When they make the decision to send you off for training, you have to go to a Bishops Advisory Panel  (BAP). There they will either recommend you for training or give you a non recommendation.

My husband went and got a non recommendation.

What?!?! But we were so sure , it had been confirmed, prophesied, agreed with by the bishop, examining chaplains…everyone. We’d come this far and we’d been turned down.

Heartbroken.

After a few days I was all ready to move on with our lives. Never mind we’d heard wrong, let’s get real jobs and never talk of it again. 

My husband on the other hand, felt an enormous sense that he must go again. He felt called and he wasn’t going to give up now. I can honestly say, I’d never seen him so sure that he was called to be a vicar than I did on that day that he was not recommended to train to be a vicar. And in seeing him grow from that place – I feel an immense call to be a vicars wife. 

So here we are year later.  I often think we’ve taken a step back from where we were but we haven’t. We’ve taken a giant leap forward . I do feel we’ve learnt a lot and grown a lot and we’re more ready for this now. 

Doesn’t stop me being nervous though. I still have no idea how things will pan out over the next year. But I do know that God is in control. He does not have plans to harm us!! 

Whatever happens. 

Called to be a vicars wife.

What does that look like?

I told someone once that I felt called to be a vicars wife.  They were shocked. They couldn’t understand why I would put myself behind a man. She made it sound like I was becoming his worker or that he would be taking advantage of me and I would have no life…it probably is what’s going to happen.

I do believe that men and women are equal of course. I love that saying that woman was made from Adam’s side, not his foot. So they should be side by side.

I do also believe that anyone who is in leadership, man or woman, needs a helper, they can’t do it on their own. It’s a lot to do and some days you need to come home and cry. So for my husband, I’m going to be that shoulder.

I want to be there when he gets home from a funeral, and greet him with a hot meal and a smile. I want to listen to his sermons before the service because he’s nervous and he doubts himself. I want to show him love when a member of the congregation has told him off for moving the organ. I want to go and sit with a member of the congregation because he’s been called to an emergency and he can’t be in two places at once. I want to do the stereo typical cake making and toddler group running because I like doing those things! I want my husband to know that I love him so much and I am so proud of what he is doing and I will do anything to support him as he supports his parish. That doesn’t mean i’m not going to be the same naggy, annoyed wife he’s used to….i’m not having a brain transplant…if he leaves his dirty clothes by the washing basket, I may well string them up in the lady chapel.

Anyway, I look through these examples and they are just a few…I feel excited. I feel called to do this. I want to do this. I’m not putting myself behind him. I’m putting God’s will first and that excites me.

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